apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
