So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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