i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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