in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
