She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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