I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
