dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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