Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
