someone threw a dead crab at me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize