this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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