I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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