do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
