i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
