I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
