so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
