Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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