Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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