I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
