This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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