Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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