he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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