i was born a porn star she said
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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