proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I look better un-naked...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize