He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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