Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
