Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
