I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
