We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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