I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
