Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
