I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
