And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
