is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.