Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?