Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.

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  (301): My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make. http://tfl.nu/4how
  Replies (51) Good night (977) Bad night (5231)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.

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  (423): I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4. http://tfl.nu/p8en
  Replies (32) Good night (698) Bad night (5876)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

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  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (29175) Bad night (1162)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.

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  (807): at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket. http://tfl.nu/odip
  Replies (8) Good night (5176) Bad night (1591)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower

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  (518): They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower http://tfl.nu/ye9z
  Replies (10) Good night (3484) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys

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  (860): We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys http://tfl.nu/i7wv
  Replies (2) Good night (2341) Bad night (1321)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch

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  (580): it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch http://tfl.nu/2vd8
  Replies (15) Good night (2947) Bad night (709)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese

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  (414): I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese http://tfl.nu/evtb
  Replies (8) Good night (1058) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?

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  (508): i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now? http://tfl.nu/8a2l
  Replies (8) Good night (1556) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.

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  (506): Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it. http://tfl.nu/c7ua
  Replies (5) Good night (510) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again

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  (607): Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again http://tfl.nu/arnj
  Replies (3) Good night (545) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!

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  (908): When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?! http://tfl.nu/arig
  Replies (3) Good night (1420) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  This is why you're my favorite TA

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  (908): would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours (615): This is why you're my favorite TA http://tfl.nu/ulv5
  Replies (0) Good night (503) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.

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  (413): Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire. http://tfl.nu/m4ao
  Replies (0) Good night (852) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!

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  (216): I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb! http://tfl.nu/8pq7
  Replies (10) Good night (266) Bad night (717)

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