Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!