Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I lost the right to judge tonight