i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
reminds me of losing my job
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dating After Heartbreak
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching