I'm eating all of the evidence.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting