Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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  (631): So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone http://tfl.nu/mgb2
  Replies (40) Good night (988) Bad night (6685)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (3102) Bad night (11830)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.

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  (512): I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two. http://tfl.nu/pdyq
  Replies (10) Good night (1008) Bad night (3626)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

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  (+64): And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/yu5v
  Replies (23) Good night (5611) Bad night (1388)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."

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  (860): he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk." http://tfl.nu/3tv5
  Replies (16) Good night (2086) Bad night (1015)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.

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  (253): thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever. http://tfl.nu/km2f
  Replies (4) Good night (3030) Bad night (709)
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  (310): View more from California

  what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?

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  (310): what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car? http://tfl.nu/714f
  Replies (7) Good night (885) Bad night (2434)
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  (714): View more from California

  I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

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  (714): I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister http://tfl.nu/d8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (3805) Bad night (856)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

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  (647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/shhx
  Replies (25) Good night (2150) Bad night (2111)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

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  (435): Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed. http://tfl.nu/zk8r
  Replies (29) Good night (5822) Bad night (1126)
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  (530): View more from California

  Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.

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  (530): Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking. http://tfl.nu/uxvx
  Replies (4) Good night (400) Bad night (1040)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face

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  (519): Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face http://tfl.nu/itm4
  Replies (10) Good night (633) Bad night (298)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics

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  (601): New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics http://tfl.nu/u5bj
  Replies (3) Good night (425) Bad night (287)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore

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  (787): Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore http://tfl.nu/sv88
  Replies (3) Good night (582) Bad night (240)
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  (760): View more from California

  I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.

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  (760): I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream. http://tfl.nu/cnux
  Replies (2) Good night (183) Bad night (514)

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