the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
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He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...