Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
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Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.