My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
bring money and cleavage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize