tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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