and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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