I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
