Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
