She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wear drunk well.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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