but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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