You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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