oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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