dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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