So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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