I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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