She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
