Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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