Yo dont text me then not text me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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