she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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