Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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