You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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