who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
