Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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