Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
