In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize