one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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