so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
