She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
