gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
