I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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